How many of us have ever been offended by someone? How many of us have had to contemplate forgiving someone for an offense? How many of us felt the urge to then gossip about the person that offended us? I'm pretty sure that at some point in life, there have been instances where you may have forgiven someone of an offense but immediately after you've forgiven them, you talk negatively about them. You slander their name as if you never actually forgave them. This is in no way making light of the offense but it is something to think about. While some of the things you say about them may be true, the question is are those same things worth complaining about?
Often times when I find myself in a place of talking bad about a person who wronged me, I realize that the conversation isn't so much about the person as it is the very thing that the person did that made me upset. I realized that I was operating from a place of pain. I was operating from a place of unforgiveness. It is that in operating in the place of unforgiveness I find myself reminding them of the things they offended me by. I find myself digging a hole deeper and deeper because I let that little spec of an offense grow. Talking about things brings remembrance. There are very few conversations we often have where we talk about an event and forget the details of what happened. Especially if the event holds some sort of significance. If you're talking about something, you remembered it. So if you continue to talk about an offense someone made towards you, it causes you to replay the event over and over until you're offended all over again.
The first step in overcoming the clutches of an offense is acknowledging the offense. Acknowledge that what happened, happened. For whatever reason or another, it happened. The unfortunate thing about it is that it happened to you and that it caused great pain. I feel you and I understand how much the offense affected you. I may not know exactly how it felt, but I do know that I am human and that pain happens to me as well.
The second step is forgiveness. The big "f" word that a lot of people claim they've done but haven't really acted upon it in their hearts. Forgiveness requires humility. Are you humble enough to acknowledge the offense and deal with the offense by not holding that against the person who did it? Once again this is not making light of the situation, but this a way to own the situation. To take back your life. To take back your mental health. The clutches of unforgiveness can choke the joy out of a happy person. The clutches of unforgiveness can make the generous person stingy. The clutches of unforgiveness can turn the kindhearted person into a bitter person. God doesn't want the clutches of unforgiveness to take the meaning out of your life. Which is why He gives us the strength to forgive. It is only through His strength that you are able to forgive from a healthy place.
The last step in overcoming an offense is that after giving them the grace enough to be forgiven, you must forget. Yes, I said forget. A lot of times the culture teaches us to forgive but to never forget. And while there are some good concepts to take out of that, I think we begin to misinterpret the concept of forgetting. I'm not saying to forget by being foolish and delusional. You must be wise enough to know that people do offensive things and that those people may need to be avoided. Maybe you are called to forgive, forget, and move on from certain people. Then again maybe you're called to love that person into deliverance despite occasional offenses. What I am ultimately saying is that we must forget the offense to conquer the offense. We must forget so that we can look at those who have offended us through the eyes of Jesus. It may sound cliche, but what would Jesus do?
Jesus was tempted at all points. He was beaten, spat on, mocked, lied to, betrayed, and ultimately killed. But just imagine if Jesus, the Son of God walked around with a chip on His shoulder? Imagine if He made it His duty to get back at all the people who did Him wrong? The reality is that if He did that, He would have never made it to the cross. He would have been repaying evil for evil. He would've sinned, and humanity would have been lost...forever.
Instead, Jesus said, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do". Even after suffering the death of the cross, Jesus forgave us...all. Now I know what you're thinking, "I'm not Jesus". You're right! You're not! You'll never be! But if you claim to be a follower of Christ Jesus, you should also be an emulator of Christ Jesus. If God in human form was able to forgive the entire human race of all their sins, why is it that we are unable to forgive one person for one offense? Are you greater than God? Surely not. Jesus says in John 15:20; 'A servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted Me they will also persecute you...
So in this life, especially as a follower of Christ, expect offense. Always. But don't let it stop you from forgiving. There is strength in forgiving. There is maturity in forgiving. It shows that you know Who has the final say and that no offense could stop you from sharing the same grace to others that God continually shows to you. The reason why we find it difficult to forgive is because of pride. It is as simple as that. We don't like to feel pain. We don't like to accept the fact that we have been hurt. We don't want to see others experience the grace that God has for them. But if that's the case, then why should God keep giving you the grace of forgiveness? Aren't we all the same?
Remember that God is a just God and that whatever a person does good or bad comes right back to them. Yes God is gracious but He's also fair. Nothing goes unseen, nothing goes unchecked. Our job as followers of Christ is to emulate the character of God by exercising forgiveness. Since Jesus forgave, we should forgive also.
The last step in overcoming an offense is that after giving them the grace enough to be forgiven, you must forget. Yes, I said forget. A lot of times the culture teaches us to forgive but to never forget. And while there are some good concepts to take out of that, I think we begin to misinterpret the concept of forgetting. I'm not saying to forget by being foolish and delusional. You must be wise enough to know that people do offensive things and that those people may need to be avoided. Maybe you are called to forgive, forget, and move on from certain people. Then again maybe you're called to love that person into deliverance despite occasional offenses. What I am ultimately saying is that we must forget the offense to conquer the offense. We must forget so that we can look at those who have offended us through the eyes of Jesus. It may sound cliche, but what would Jesus do?
Jesus was tempted at all points. He was beaten, spat on, mocked, lied to, betrayed, and ultimately killed. But just imagine if Jesus, the Son of God walked around with a chip on His shoulder? Imagine if He made it His duty to get back at all the people who did Him wrong? The reality is that if He did that, He would have never made it to the cross. He would have been repaying evil for evil. He would've sinned, and humanity would have been lost...forever.
Instead, Jesus said, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do". Even after suffering the death of the cross, Jesus forgave us...all. Now I know what you're thinking, "I'm not Jesus". You're right! You're not! You'll never be! But if you claim to be a follower of Christ Jesus, you should also be an emulator of Christ Jesus. If God in human form was able to forgive the entire human race of all their sins, why is it that we are unable to forgive one person for one offense? Are you greater than God? Surely not. Jesus says in John 15:20; 'A servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted Me they will also persecute you...
So in this life, especially as a follower of Christ, expect offense. Always. But don't let it stop you from forgiving. There is strength in forgiving. There is maturity in forgiving. It shows that you know Who has the final say and that no offense could stop you from sharing the same grace to others that God continually shows to you. The reason why we find it difficult to forgive is because of pride. It is as simple as that. We don't like to feel pain. We don't like to accept the fact that we have been hurt. We don't want to see others experience the grace that God has for them. But if that's the case, then why should God keep giving you the grace of forgiveness? Aren't we all the same?
Remember that God is a just God and that whatever a person does good or bad comes right back to them. Yes God is gracious but He's also fair. Nothing goes unseen, nothing goes unchecked. Our job as followers of Christ is to emulate the character of God by exercising forgiveness. Since Jesus forgave, we should forgive also.
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many ay seven times?’ Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. | Matthew 18:21-22
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